How to Date a Vegan
Omnivores, this ones for you. Want to sweep a vegan off his or her feet? Then listen up and stick to our five key tips.
Hello there! It’s so nice to have you here on VegNews.com. Sit back, relax, and take a look around! So, you’ve come to us because you want to date a vegan? Nicely done. We’re compassionate, fantastic folks, and we definitely know how to have a good time. Follow these five steps for a great first date, and we guarantee your chances at a second will rise (because we’re so awesome, you’re definitely going to want one).
1. It’s Not About You. Immediately upon sitting down to a mixed-company meal, most vegans will be regaled with tales of why their dining companions could never give up cheese or why their hearts belong to In-N-Out. Here’s the thing: Our choice to be vegan really isn’t about making other people defend their own diets—it’s about living in accordance with our values. If you can’t live without cheese (well, technically you can, but that’s not the point here), that’s OK. Remember: It’s dinner, not a debate. You wouldn’t take out a democrat and spend the evening trying to extoll the virtues of trickle-down economics, would you?
2. “Where Do You Get Your Protein?” Never, ever ask us that. You should be focusing on your date’s beautiful face and hearing about the time she evaded a speeding ticket by uncontrollably crying (good tactic by the way, ladies). For the record, we get our protein from beans, legumes, nuts, and other plants. We also get all the needed calcium, iron, omega-3s, and every other nutrient you can think of from fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, grains, and legumes.
3. Do Your Research. Want to score major points? Read up a bit before dinner. If you’re planning to take us to the newest fusion restaurant downtown, check out the menu for veg options. Or better yet (and for even more points), take us to a vegan or vegetarian restaurant. If you hail from the City by the Bay, check out our locals’ guide to San Francisco. Down in LA? We have one location for you: Shojin. (Or Crossroads Kitchen. Or M Café. Or Real Food Daily. Really, you can’t go wrong.) New York City? Your options are so vast you can eat dinner 30 times. Our travel guides to Austin, Brooklyn, Chicago, Denver, Houston, Palm Springs, and Vancouver suggest many veg and veg-friendly spots to take your vegan valentine. Is your city not covered? Get your hands dirty at home by whipping up this vegan menu, filled with aphrodisiac foods. Oh la la.
4. Shower Us With Gifts. OK, not all of us are consumer-crazed, but you’ll get the chance to watch us melt if you show up with a box of crème-filled vegan chocolates or a dozen organic red roses. A little thought, dear friends, will go a long way, and you’ll have our favorite vegan indulgences down in no time. Just remember two things for now: chocolate and pizza.
5. We’re Just Like You. Do we have a third eye growing out of our foreheads? Because that’s what it can feel like to vegans sometimes when an entire meal is spent going over our daily breakfast choices, why we decided to ditch dairy, or if we ever miss meat. Instead of focusing on what’s going on our plates (and why), tune into our hobbies, favorite vacation spots, and all the other things you pay attention to on a first date. Because we’re awesome, really rad people who probably want to make out with you if you’ve followed our advice thus far!
Well, that’s all we have for you. We wish you the best of luck this Valentine’s Day, and hope you visit us again soon. Let us know how it goes!
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